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Thread: What are you going to tell people about your baby daddy?

  1. #1

    What are you going to tell people about your baby daddy?

    My close friends and family will obviously know the truth. But I am wondering what others are planning to tell casual acquaintances, neighbors, parents of my daughters friends, and most importantly co-workers??? I have been a single mom to my 9yr old most of her life and all of the people listed above are going to know (or believe) that I am single. Are you planning to just lay all your cards on the table and not worry about what they think? Would love to hear how you ladies plan to handle this. Thanks!

  2. #2
    My Daughter is a Year now and I’ve been very open about it. I don’t offer up to random people or anything. Like if someone at the grocery store says something like “she probably has daddy wrapped around her finger” I just nod. But daycare, neighbors all know. I haven’t received any negative comments. Usually it’s more like “Good for you!” I just find it easier to be open about it. Then you don’t have to keep track of who knows what.

  3. #3
    Thank you Mizzy! That makes me feel much better!

  4. #4
    I don't consider the donor a "baby daddy". I have told anyone who asked that I used a donor to have my son. Maybe because I live in a major and diverse city no one had any shock or surprise. And who cares what anyone thinks, is my perspective. He's my child and a member of my family. I couldn't care less what people think!

    Since you have an older child, you should think about what you'd like to say, both to help her and any new child.

  5. #5
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Location
    Houston Texas
    Posts
    1
    I have an adult son and I am ready to have another child. This time I would rather have an anonymous donor.

    The two challenges I anticipate are 1) The opinions that a woman my age should not be having any more children and 2) I will be a single parent.

    I guess I am going to have to be tough. Not only for my future child but with close minded people. I believe I will keep the unknown donor a secret until my child is older and then I will tell the truth. If my child wants to share with others that will be his or her choice.

  6. #6
    Are you worried that your child will be resentful because you did not choose a donor that he/she could contact later on? I have read a lot about donor conceive children being particularly upset that their parents chose anonymous donors.

  7. #7
    I was worried about this so for the Sperm donor I made it a priority to have the Donor ID. But I ended up needing donated eggs too which there are a lot fewer choices available so my egg donor is not. So I guess weíre see what happens. It probably makes a difference that I didnít really have a choice for her.

    But I guess on the flip side, with all the ancestry DNA testing available today, there is a good chance of still finding the donor. I think the child just needs to be prepared that the donor may have had reasons for not being contacted and therefore finding them may not go well. Even a donor who said they were ok with it 18 plus years earlier may not be interested then.

  8. #8
    Mizzy those are great points. I am hoping my donor may be open to sharing a photo or any additional medical info we may not already have down the road. Anything beyond that will just be a bonus. But I feel good knowing that I made a choice that at least allows that option for my child. I have some strong feelings about tracking down anonymous donors unless there is a pressing medical reason...

    My question about the closed donor was really for momtobe.

  9. #9
    Thanks Marcie35. I missed that one. For momtobe, making a choice to be a single mom will require you to be strong for both of you no matter your age or situation. There will always be people who take issue with it for some reason. Donít let age discourage you if this is what you really want. But I will warn you, I expected to be the old mom at school activities but didnít expect people to think I was Mom daughterís grandmother until maybe middle school or high school. Yeah! Welll! Iíve been called grandma so many times already. Sheís only 1 and Iím only 43 and have always been told I look younger than my age. So.... lol. I laugh it off but it was still a shock the first time.

    But if I were you I would think hard about keeping the donor situation a secret. The research I did suggested being open with at least the kid from the beginning will make it less likely to be an issue later. When parents wait to inform children about their origins often it can lead to them feeling resentful for being lied to. I donít think there is a right or wrong answer here, just food for thought.

  10. #10
    I plan to tell my child the truth from the get go as well as everyone else. Friends and family know but if a stranger asks I will likely just say there is no Dad in the picture, unless I feel it appropriate to say I used a donor. Talking about these things is what normalizes it so one day it won't feel weird or shameful (because there is nothing wrong with it). I have read similar things to Mizzy in that children who are lied to or parents wait until 'the right time' are not as well adjusted as those who are told since infancy. Telling them from an early age helps them to accept it and allows them to ask questions

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